The Superbowl - Pro Sports Wrestlemania?

As I made my way to the bottom of my 2nd bottle of Jack Daniels this past weekend, I was posed with an interesting query. Apparently, in the midst of wailing some Bon Jovi at the top of my lungs, I mentioned to a rather large group of peers of my excitement regarding the upcoming WWE ppv, the Royal Rumble. Aghast that their friend could watch such ludicrous programming, my friends began pestering me as to why I, at age 27, still tune into professional wrestling, and (worse yet) still PAY to watch their epic monthly shows.

Of course, being completely tanked, answering this question posed too many problems at 11:48 Saturday night. After returning home on Sunday and actually having time to reflect, I’ve decided to do my part in explaining this phenomenon. To aid in this endeavor, I will be comparing traditional sports fans’ mecca of all events, the upcoming Superbowl, with the world of professional wrestling’s equivalent, WrestleMania.

Greatest Moment
Wrestlemania
Everyone’s hero, the immortal Hulk Hogan, body slamming the indestructible force known as Andre the Giant. In front of 70,000 plus fans crowded into the old Silverdome in Detroit, Hogan battled incredible odds to take down the biggest, baddest, meanest SOB the wrestling world had seen. And he did it with pure strength, in front of the largest (to date) professional wrestling crowd in the US, as well as the largest (to date) PPV purchasing viewing audience in US history.

Superbowl
Joe Namath’s guarantee that his double-digit point underdog New York Jets were going to take down the NFL’s version of Andre the Giant, the Baltimore Colts. Some may debate the greatness level of a variety of Superbowl plays or events, but insofar as results go, this was clearly the game that made this spectacle what is today by making the fans of New York and the national media take notice. Whether or not Broadway Joe’s sobriety should have been in question when he uttered his now famous guarantee notwithstanding, the fact that the Colts laid an egg large enough to make even the Dallas Mavericks of the 2007 NBA playoffs proud is enough to vault this Superbowl memory into the limelight.

Winner - Wrestlemania
The key about professional wrestling is in convincing your audience that you have a monster that no one can beat, and then allowing your top superstar to take this beast down at the most appropriate moment. When Hogan dropped Andre, it proved to the wrestling world that there was a new kid in town, and it propelled Hogan and the WWE into the forefront of 1980’s entertainment. When Joe upset the Colts, there was shock and awe, but no passing of the torch. The Colts just weren’t good enough that day, and remained a dominating force in the upcoming years. For wrestling, there is conclusion and transition in place with upsets. For other sports, upsets typically recall bad referees, a few lucky bounces, and the occasional birth of a new star. Cleary, the dominating event of Wrestlemania 3 outweighs the overhyped Broadway Joe guarantee.
Determining your Participants
Wrestlemania
To main event the Granddaddy of Em All, Wrestlemania, a wrestler must complete perhaps the most daunting task in all of wrestling - win the Royal Rumble. In essence, you must find a way to throw 29 other scantily clad behemoths over the top rope onto the floor below, all while making sure you never get tossed yourself. Do this - and you will find yourself fighting the WWE title. Do it not - and find yourself splattered onto the floor of shame next to some monster named Snitsky.

Superbowl
In many cases, all you have to do to make your way to the NFL title game is win 2 home games. That’s right - after 16 grueling weeks of regular season play, teams more often than not earn their way into the Superbowl by playing back to back home games. What kind of a test is that? The top seeds in each conference will be guaranteed home field advantage up to the Superbowl.

Advantage: Wrestlemania
Honestly, who wouldn’t want to see all 12 NFL playoff teams fighting it out at one stadium, on one day, with a winner take all format in place. Hell, we could even have an over the top rumble style match - you think Michael Strahan wouldn’t love to step into that kind of mayhem with Tom Brady? The only way the NFL playoffs could be any lamer would be if they made some computers pull some numbers out of the chipasses and created something called the BCS…Truth be told, the sweaty man battle royal brings more drama than any AFC or NFC Championship Game (including the Green Bay loss two weeks ago) has in recent memory. Just this last week, an injured superstar came back to the WWE after a prolonged absence, 8 months prior to his expected return to win the Rumble. Think about that - what if Trent Green had returned from his season ending concussion this year to lead the Dolphins to the Superbowl? And it happened just two weeks ago? Of course, this is the same league which produces whiners like LT, who can’t even finish games he starts because of a “strained” MCL.

Commercials
Superbowl
Even I can admit, these are often the highlight of the game. Nothing comes close - as far as commercials go, this is as good as it gets.

Wrestlemania
No commercials.

Advantage: Wrestlemania
What could be better than the best commercials? How about NO commercials. Sure, Wrestlemania on PPV costs you more than over the air free Superbowl broadcasts - but if you could eliminate the commercials from the Superbowl, you would have a program that lasts less than 2 hours of actual entertainment. Think of all the extra time you would have on Superbowl Sunday!

Cost
Superbowl
The game itself costs nothing. If you have a TV and rabbit ears, viewing the game is your God given right until the day you die. Simply set up the tube and catch the game.

Wrestlemania
Most years, the WWE charges $49.95 for the right to watch their premier event. This year, they have extended their offer to $59.95 for the HD broadcast.

Advantage: Wrestlemania
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Andy! How is $59.95 for one show and $0 for another create an advantage for the NONFREE program? Let’s dive a little deeper into those costs, shall we? Of course, no one can just WATCH the free broadcast of the Superbowl. Most people throw parties. And do you know when most large screen HD televisions get bought up around this country? Your first inclination might lead you to the Holidays and Christmas time. Your first inclination ought to have its ass kicked. More TVs are bought in the weeks leading up to the Superbowl than at any other time of the year. Fact. So now you’ve dropped $2000 on the TV and HD setup alone. Don’t forget to add up the costs associated with throwing a party…What party you say? The one you decided to throw when you chose to shell out the big bucks for your new TV. What kind of a doucebag has a new HD TV to watch for the Superbowl and doesn’t invite over his 157 closest friends? By now, between the beer and the dip and wings and chips and napkins and margaritas (because your 157 buddies are bringing over their 157 wives for those damn commercials), you are well on your way to spending $6000 for this one stinking game. Just think - if you rented the Wrestlemania, you could have dropped the cost of the PPV and bought yourself a pizza for less than $75. And trust me, you won’t get 157 buddies to come over for wrestling (I’ve tried), and you can damn-sure bet their wives will stay as far away as humanly possible.

The list could go on and on. For example - would you rather have a bunch of women over so you could spend the game explaining the ins-and-outs of what 3rd and 6 means (and potentially missing a huge play because of your growing frustration with the lack of brain size most females have when it comes to understanding the simplicities of sports?!?!) or just 3 dudes come over for the PPV with some beers and quiet reflection time (reflecting on why someone would vault themselves through a table off a 45 foot ladder).

It seems clear - the next time one of your friends shows excitement for an upcoming wrestling ppv which will determine the main event at that year’s Wrestlemania, you might want to think twice before mocking his passions. You might end up having to read another blog like this one…

SuperBowl vs. Wrestlemania

Wow

I am stunned. When you live with a gunslinger like Favre, you risk some bad throws and bad choices. His toss out to the sideline was a terrible decision on Favre's part, and the Packers will live without a trip to Arizona for a SuperBowl because of it.

Congrats to Eli.

And I guess Lawrence Tynes CAN go home to New York now...

Early predictions for Super Bowl 42
NE - 42
NY - 17

Giants in the Super Bowl?

Sitting here waiting for the NY Giants to kick a field goal with the NFC Championship on the line, I'm wondering exactly how we think NY got here.

The snap-SHANKED!

That is great news. OT for the NFC Championship. For Lawrence Tynes, a return to New York would be unadvised.

If New York gets to Arizona somehow, we'll have to wonder about the legendary collapses of both Green Bay and Dallas. The Packers have the toss, and I'm predicting Favre takes it all the way.

Speaking of Favre, did anyone else just see the Favre Box? The showed his family and friends celebrating - fine and dandy. What you might want to check the TIVO for is the off-balance, clearly hammered UBERfan (likely a relative) pumping his fists in what can only be described as an attempt to hit an imaginary speed bag floating through the nights of Green Bay.

And -4? Not cool. Well, it is cool, in fact cold.

Go Pack Go

The Press Conference

The Univeristy of Texas officially welcomed Major Applewhite onto the football staff as the running backs coach. Vindication was felt by millions of the legions of Major fans across the state, including those who named their dogs after their hero.

The following is a verbatum quote from Texas head coach Mack Brown, when asked about any strained relationships from his benching of Applewhite during the much publicized battle for the starting QB job with the fair haired Chris Simms: "What you want is to try and do what's fair, and you try and make the best decision that you can with the information that you have available. It doesn't mean you were right and you can't go back and fix it, so all you do is make the best one that you can make."

Finally. Some other notes of interest regarding the press conference:

Brown emphatically stated that, "Coach Davis will call ALL the plays", a clear attempt to shoot down any myths about Applewhite's influence over the offense and his taking over for Davis.

Mack also noted, as did Davis, that Applewhite would always have a spot on the coaching staff with UT - had the opportunity been there when he finished his Graduate Assistanship, they would have hired him on the spot.

Brown also talked at length about the expectations at Texas, "I've gotten like our fans - 10 wins isn't enough." Damn right.

All in all, we're looking at a rather uninspiring welcoming. What was most interesting to me was how uncomfortable Greg Davis looked - and how much emphasis Brown (ever the polician) put on Davis's role in both hiring and approving Applewhite's return.

Do you think when Brown fires his fat butt for sucking again and inserts Major he'll say it was done with Davis's blessing?

Welcome back Major!

Big Games in 2008

I know, it's early. WAAAAAYYY early. But in looking at the 2008 College Football regular season games, it's clear that something is amiss amongst big time programs. The method of play the cupcakes to walk into a national championship seems to have fallen away. These teams, instead of scheduling "directional" pussyfoots, have put some real intriguing matchups together for the casual fans.

Take a look:

Miami vs. Florida
Texas vs. Arkansas
Hawaii vs. Florida
Illinois vs. Missouri
USC vs. Virginia
Auburn vs. West Virginia
Oregon State vs. Penn State
Tennessee vs. UCLA
Ohio State vs. USC (a potential 1 vs 2 matchup, depending on who you ask)
Miami vs. Texas A&M
Virginia Tech vs. Nebraska

Sure, some of those teams have been down lately (Miami, Nebraska, UCLA), but these are all still marquee matchups heading into the early parts of the 2008 season.

Is it me? Or can spring practice not come soon enough...

Return of the Jedi

It's official - Texas has brought back the prodigal son! Major Applewhite, he of legendary lore around the 40 acres, will be leaving a prominent SEC school in Alabama as the youngest Coordinator in Division I history to return to his alma mater and guide the...running backs?!?

Before I rant, let me make something clear. I am happier than Bill Clinton at Free Blow Intern Day. Happier than Randy Moss at Punch Some Random Chick Day. Happier than Eli Manning at Cowboy Choke (on a dick) Day. And yet, questions about this hiring linger for me.

First - why on earth did Major choose to do this? In the 8 years I have followed our Lord and QB, I have never seen him make a poor decision. Never. And yet, now? To leave one of the most tradition rich programs in football crazy Alabama, where coaches and legends are glorified like Gods seems crazy. What's even lunnier is the fact that he chose to do so in what amounts to a step DOWN in the coaching ranks.

With the Tide, Applewhite was the youngest offensive coordinator in Division I football history. He was quickly becoming the Jason Garrett of college football. The kid was less than 30 years old, and he’d already accomplished more than hundreds of other aspiring coaches. Molding Vince Young into the dominant football player that he turned out to be might be Major’s greatest accomplishment, and quite literally propelled him from Syracuse to Rice to Alabama in the course of 3 years.

At Rice, Applewhite turned a program known for its antiquated wishbone attack into one of the more dominating air assaults in 2006. In fact, Rice’s Jarrett Dillard broke C-USA and school records under Major’s tutelage. At Alabama, he helped rack up 500 plus yards of offense against Tennessee, a team that wound up ranking 12th nationally in defense. His track record speaks for itself.

So why, then, has he taken a step backward? His new position as Running Backs coach makes one scratch his head. Here was a guy running the entire offense in Tuscalusca, now he’s taken over the running backs only? And worse - he has to basically report to Greg Davis?!? The one track minded ding dong who, along with Mack Brown, benched Applewhite in the first place! The same Greg Davis, who, despite an obvious glaring difference, sees Vince Young in his current QB Colt McCoy (why else would Davis refuse to change out of the zone read offense which helped propel Young to legend-dom).

The point is, for all his Texas roots and greatness, I fear Major may be taking a step in the wrong direction. With Davis and Brown entrenched as coaching cornerstones, the only upward mobility for Applewhite would be a head job elsewhere, unless Brown gets a wild hair and fires his sorry OC. Not likely, as Brown and Davis seem connected by the butt cheek (unlike Brown’s Defensive Coordinator posting, which has seen more changes than Britney’s personality over the past 5 years)

Many Longhorns fans are clamoring that this hire is the precursor to Applewhite’s eventual rise to the head coaching job when Mack retires. Don’t hedge your bets that Major’s return to Austin will be a prolonged experience. Someone with those credentials won’t stay a running backs coach for long. Some school, likely here in Texas, will lure him away with googles of money. I can see it now - Texas Tech loses Pirate Mike Leach to a national power in the SEC (think Phil Fulmer in Tennessee isn’t sweating his job?), and the Red Raiders steal Major from Austin. But think about it - Would it be a steal for an athletic director to pull Applewhite out of Austin? He’d likely be languishing behind Greg Davis as the 2nd fiddle on an offense Major could easily turn into the dominant force in the Big 12. This scenario is starting to sound rather familiar (circa 2001…)

So - as you can see, Applewhite’s decision to return may have been a rather large mistake for the UT God. Besides, why would someone come back to a program that made him sit behind an overhyped, overrated pretty boy (Chris Simms) just to coach behind an overhyped, overrated fat boy (Greg Davis.)

Here’s hoping the hiring of Major is a precursor to the departure of Davis. Can you imagine the 2009 season - Major is your Offensive Coordinator - executing his game plan is Colt. Colt and Major. A match made in Texas heaven…don’t hold your breath.

Congress...Really?

Does Congress not have enough going on, they must take time out of their day to look into MLB and it's continuing problem with steriods? Really, you think the masses care? I certainly don't. Gate receipts at MLB ball games indicate they don't care either. Roger Clemens took roids, Bonds took roids, EVERYONE took roids. The field was level because all players cheated. I have solved the problem. Move on.

June Jones - Moron?

Tell me this. The state of Hawaii calls you and offers you $800,000 a year to move your family out to the Islands and run the football team. Would you turn this offer down in an effort to move to the relative boredom provided in the city of Dallas???

Collegiate sports are vaguely popular in Honolulu, but like most major sporting events that folks on the mainland consume, it takes a backseat to the local intrigues and vast outdoor activities available on the tropical paradise. It's more likely that a local youth will take up surfing than throwing oblong shaped pigskins around. Still, you are able to carve out a niche market with a highly entertaining offensive attack. Fans are beginning to take notice, and you become the regular season darling of most major sports networks, including the media giant ESPN. And now, following the most successful year of your coaching career as well as that of University, SMU from Dallas comes calling, offering you $2 million per.

Whoa. $2 million per year?? That is over a %100 increase in your salary. Amazing. Still, if you were to ask me, I think the perks associated with the job in Hawaii far outweighs those here in Dallas. This is the choice new Mustangs head coach June Jones made when he shunned Hawaii and the Aloha State to head out Lone Star country.

Most major life decisions come down to weighing your options carefully, and then choosing your path based on the best fit. Let's take a closer look at the choices Jones had to make in deciding to take the shot in Big D, and see if we would come to the same conclusion.

SALARY:
This is a no brainer. SMU officials were able to convince boosters to pay Jones around $2 million a year. The GNP of many small countries couldn't touch this number with a 10 foot pole. ADV - SMU

PROGRAM:
On one hand, you have a school who recently went to the BCS after finishing the regular season undefeated, and sustaining just 2 losses in the past 24 months. On the other hand, you have a program whose largest claim to fame for the past few decades was something called the Death Penalty for violations of NCAA protocol, a sentence which has thrown the program into the embarrassment levels with Duke, Buffalo, and the other bottom feeders of the FBS (former Division I) in recent years. Clearly, this decision was not made based on the recent success both schools. ADV - HAWAII


LOCATION:
Dallas vs. Honolulu. Has there been a larger mismatch since Rosie O'Donnell met the Chinese buffet? (Buffet loses by the way). Honolulu offers perfect weather, great beaches, wonderful cuisine, outstanding culture, beautiful women, and awe inspiring scenic views. Dallas offers blistering summers with frigid winters, a few lakes with ripples crashing into rocks, decent food (if you're into Taco Bell), little to no culture (sorry Dallas, shopping does NOT count as culturally enhancing), women made of plastic, and "aw-shit" inspiring lack of scenery. Clearly, you're comparing the tropical paradise of Hawaii vs. the pastures of North Texas. ADV - HAWAII

And there is the stickler. Money is one thing. I can't imagine too many folks living here in the metroplex who were offered $800K for the greatness provided in Hawaii that would turn it down for a lesser job paying more dough. Jones may find out that he truly left paradise behind for one of the last true Hell on Earths - SMU.

Of course, if the situation gets him down, Jones could always take his 2 million and buy a wonderful vacation home to escape to. Say in, Maui?

2008 Predictions

BCS College Football Champion - LSU over Ohio State
Super Bowl Champ - New England over Cowboys
NCAA Basketball Tourney Champion - Kansas over Memphis
NBA Finals - Spurs over Pistons
MLB World Champion - Astros over Tigers


Just in case you were curious.