The Big 12 as wrestlers...

(Ex: Football teams as Potato Chips) I figured I'd try my hand at rolling today's teams as pro wrestlers:

Oklahoma - Hulk Hogan. The hulking giant of the business. When you think of wrestling, Hulkamania should be the first name that comes to mind, with dominant reigns atop and a steady drawing power. Today, can still bring the house down, but shouldn't be considered a top contender until he beats someone of merit.

Texas - Ric Flair. Hogan’s biggest rival, Flair was regarded by many as the superior product on the field - especially by fans of Flair. Despite winning numerous titles, known more for making the careers of others as for making history on his own. Lost as many big game matches as he won.

Texas A&M - Bret Hart. A regional tradition unparrelled in the US (Hart in Canada, TAMU in Texas). Talent exists, but constant whining and claims of being screwed prevent him from making that jump to elite legend status with Hogan and Flair.

Baylor - Brooklyn Brawler. Traditional jobber – in wrestling terms, the guy who would come out on a weekly basis and get pummeled by whoever was in the ring, be the opponent legend or not. Still confounds people as to how he got into the business in the first place.

Oklahoma State - Ted Dibiase. Lots of money (Million Dollar Man for God’s sake) with some success, but at the end of the day, money can’t buy a title. Just ask T. Boone Pickens…

Texas Tech - Flyin' Brian Pillman. Lots of pizzazz and a style to be copied for years to come. High flying, high octane offense, little actual ability in other facets of the sport. When facing opponents of equal talent, comes up short.

Nebraska - BamBam Bigalow. Big, fat, corn fed and husky, Bam Bam led the rush of dominance in the early 80s and 90s. Today, he’s still big, fat, and corn fed, but can’t dominate. Age has taken her toll on his style.

Colorado - Lex Luger. A quick title reign in the 90’s, followed by a few years of looking pretty with no real substance, to a disturbingly rapid fall from grace. Looks damn good, though.

Iowa State - Doink the Clown. Much like the Brooklyn Brawler, except add some laughs into the mix. Occasionally will compete for an irrelevant title (Intercontinental Champion anyone? Is that like winning the Big 12 north?), but won’t make the big jump because at the end of the day, he’s just a, well, clown.

Missouri - John Cena. Some talent, lots of talk, but actual sustaining ability yet to be determined. Been on the scene for a few good years, but we won’t know the lasting effect of recent success until a new crop of challengers appears in the coming years. Critics argue the substance on the field is the product of weak competition, and when forced to play the big boys, comes up lacking.

Kansas - David Arquette. Whoops – this is obscure. Arquette (yes, the actor) won the WCW heavyweight title in late 2000. Like Kansas’s Sugar bowl title of 2007 – a total joke. Received a title shot when apparently everyone wasn’t looking, and got lucky against inferior opponents. Came quickly back down to earth as subpar performer to begin a potential feud with the Brookly Brawler or Doink the Clown.

Kansas State - Rowdy Roddy Piper. In the late 90’s battled for heavyweight titles on regular basis, drawing praise for dominant seasons (nevermind that he was blasting patsies along the way). After losing manager, career fizzled into irrelevance except for the occasional national recognition with a puzzling upset of Hogan or Flair. By the way, he never closed the deal and won the World Title...